I love executive coaching. I love being able to help leaders see their value. It legit brings me joy. BUT 75% of the time I hear my [insert sarcasm] two favorite words impostor syndrome.
Impostor syndrome is the feeling that you are in a role, received an opportunity by sheer luck...not the experience, education, or knowledge to lead, grow, or build a company. Today, impostor syndrome is anyone who isn’t able to internalize and own their successes. First introduced by psychologists Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes in 1978, their paper theorized that this feeling was unique to women, then later adding men. I will also note that both imposter and impostor are both correct and approved English ways of spelling the phenomenon.
When I coach an executive impostor syndrome shows up like this:
When I was first hired/promoted into this role…
I love my job…
I get to help people…my peers come to me for advice
I've been promoted twice…
I built this company, I created this department…
Immediately followed by BUT…
I don’t feel like I belong…
I don’t know if they value me…
I feel stuck…
Don’t know if this is the right job for me
I don’t know if I can grow…
Here's the thing...if you are saying two competing statements and/or feelings in the same sentence or paragraph you have impostor impostor syndrome (yes two impostors) not impostor syndrome. Aka you are choosing to ignore and overlook the positive feeling and/or moment of celebration thus pretending that you do not belong. For example, statements like I was just hired to lead this company, but I don't know if they want me here or I've been promoted two times, but I'm not sure my company values me. These thoughts are on two different spectrums and literally negate one another. If you were just hired, they believe in you to do the role. If you were promoted twice, then they value you what you bring to the company and want to make sure your ideas have more influence.
If you've been coached by me, have heard me talk, or follow anything I do I talk about celebrating the little wins. What this means is perfecting acknowledgement of the work you’re doing along the way to reach a desired goal. Typically, emphasis is put on the promotion, the fundraising goal, the new job; not on the bringing your lunch to work, managing time better, de-escalating staff, or turning a report in ahead of on time.
More little things happen then big things. Why would you wait to celebrate things that are literally less than (big things)? Now big things are of course important to celebrate, but little things are greater than those milestones.
If you cannot celebrate you, you will inevitably have impostor or impostor impostor Syndrome.
How to Un-Impostor Impostor Syndrome Yourself.
1. Listen to what you say and/or what you think. If you have any happy, proud, celebratory moments around a negative thought, feeling, or outcome, choose to focus on the positive not the negative. Celebrate the little wins.
2. Find 15 minutes and an accountability partner. Once a week talk you your partner uninterrupted for 5 minutes. Ask them to listen ONLY while you talk to them. Set a timer for 5 minutes. Talk away. Then have your partner to share what they heard as little or big wins aka anything that negates impostor Syndrome for 5 minutes. The last 5 minutes plan ways to celebrate the little wins and or correct the negative thought and/or behaviors. Rinse and repeat.
3. Stop it! You were hired, promoted, or created the role you’re in. Perhaps you didn’t go to college or “the” college...but you got the job. Yes, you're a person of color...but you're in the job. Yes, you're a woman, but you were promoted. And for my people and women of color it's already hard for us. Stop making it harder.
Now, I will say some impostor feelings can be a result of being in the wrong environment. If you value yourself, move on to another role or company. But it starts with you. To you I say, stop throwing yourself shade. Stand in the light because you were designed to shine.
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