Impostor Impostor Syndrome

I love executive coaching. I love being able to help leaders see their value. It legit brings me joy. BUT 75% of the time I hear my [insert sarcasm] two favorite words impostor syndrome.

Impostor syndrome is the feeling that you are in a role, received an opportunity by sheer luck...not the experience, education, or knowledge to lead, grow, or build a company. Today, impostor syndrome is anyone who isn’t able to internalize and own their successes. First introduced by psychologists Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes in 1978, their paper theorized that this feeling was unique to women, then later adding men. I will also note that both imposter and impostor are both correct and approved English ways of spelling the phenomenon.

When I coach an executive impostor syndrome shows up like this:

When I was first hired/promoted into this role…

I love my job…

I get to help people…my peers come to me for advice

I've been promoted twice…

I built this company, I created this department…

Immediately followed by BUT…

I don’t feel like I belong…

I don’t know if they value me…

I feel stuck…

Don’t know if this is the right job for me

I don’t know if I can grow…

Here's the thing...if you are saying two competing statements and/or feelings in the same sentence or paragraph you have impostor impostor syndrome (yes two impostors) not impostor syndrome. Aka you are choosing to ignore and overlook the positive feeling and/or moment of celebration thus pretending that you do not belong. For example, statements like I was just hired to lead this company, but I don't know if they want me here or I've been promoted two times, but I'm not sure my company values me. These thoughts are on two different spectrums and literally negate one another. If you were just hired, they believe in you to do the role.  If you were promoted twice, then they value you what you bring to the company and want to make sure your ideas have more influence.

If you've been coached by me, have heard me talk, or follow anything I do I talk about celebrating the little wins. What this means is perfecting acknowledgement of the work you’re doing along the way to reach a desired goal. Typically, emphasis is put on the promotion, the fundraising goal, the new job; not on the bringing your lunch to work, managing time better, de-escalating staff, or turning a report in ahead of on time.

More little things happen then big things. Why would you wait to celebrate things that are literally less than (big things)? Now big things are of course important to celebrate, but little things are greater than those milestones.

If you cannot celebrate you, you will inevitably have impostor or impostor impostor Syndrome.

How to Un-Impostor Impostor Syndrome Yourself.

1. Listen to what you say and/or what you think. If you have any happy, proud, celebratory moments around a negative thought, feeling, or outcome, choose to focus on the positive not the negative.  Celebrate the little wins.

2. Find 15 minutes and an accountability partner. Once a week talk you your partner uninterrupted for 5 minutes. Ask them to listen ONLY while you talk to them. Set a timer for 5 minutes.  Talk away. Then have your partner to share what they heard as little or big wins aka anything that negates impostor Syndrome for 5 minutes. The last 5 minutes plan ways to celebrate the little wins and or correct the negative thought and/or behaviors. Rinse and repeat.

3. Stop it! You were hired, promoted, or created the role you’re in. Perhaps you didn’t go to college or “the” college...but you got the job. Yes, you're a person of color...but you're in the job. Yes, you're a woman, but you were promoted. And for my people and women of color it's already hard for us. Stop making it harder.

Now, I will say some impostor feelings can be a result of being in the wrong environment. If you value yourself, move on to another role or company. But it starts with you. To you I say, stop throwing yourself shade. Stand in the light because you were designed to shine.

Interested in executive coaching or would like Dr. Cadet to speak at your event? Contact us.

Depression Party of 1

In November 2015, I was diagnosed with severe depression.  It was one month after I graduated with my doctorate. Not one, but two therapists diagnosed me.  I went to therapy for one month.  Then, I went to Thailand. In a matter of three months I changed my life for the positive. You can learn more about my journey with my  Switch, Pivot, or Quit interview. Fast forward, I have a successful business, happiness, self-love on amazing levels of self-love, and I am severely depressed again. 

Now in 2019, it’s called Major Depressive Disorder. This time, although I love me to the fullest.  My heart problems have broken me.  I have been sick for 16 months.  That is 16 months of tests, doctors, appointments, pain, so many pills, and limited mobility without a primary diagnosis. I go in depth with my heart journey in a previous post and on the Made Visible Podcast.  I am still learning how to live with my new body, the scars. Still waiting on tests.  It is yet to be determined if it is forever or temporary.

With being sick there are times full of profound sadness. Profound sadness is the coldest hug. It wraps around my heart and I literally feel it sink to depths so low I can no longer care about anything or anyone. Profound sadness reassures me of all my fears. It celebrates the reason I’m unhealthy, alone and unlucky. It is the proud confidant to my sorrow. My body is not strong and healthy like the first time I beat depression; it feels different.

It is hard to not know. Know to continue hope that I will be “normal” again or that my life has changed forever.  It is even harder to do it alone.  I have friends and family in my life, but the everyday I do alone.  Something easy to you like cleaning the bathroom is like running a half marathon for me.  I have to train up for the big day. Constantly, I pick and choose, dinner or going to bed, shower or going to the meeting.  I have to preserve my energy.  I have to ask for help. I lose my independence.

My company brings me so much joy!  It energizes me. Inspires me.  Motivates me to fight for a diagnosis.  But it also takes my energy.  I must protect my time and energy. 2019 will be the year of legit work life balance…hopefully healing.  I am back in therapy (just started yesterday) with a woman of color (mental health professionals should be celebrated, especially WOC). If you know anything about me, I do talk about mental health in the workplace and how it is of utmost importance for people of color, women, and women of color.  Sharing my story to some may be sad, a shock, inspiring, but I’m being real. Speaking my truth.

I am still fearless, strong, but I am tired. Here’s to finding myself again in 2019.

Heart Breaker

It was 15 months ago. It was a typical Thursday night. I was on the couch watching TV dozing off trying to recover from my European jet lag. Out of no where, I jumped up. I felt my heart race. I tried to catch my breath. As somebody who has three health degrees I immediately opened my heart monitor in my phone (Android life is the best)...within seconds I could see my heart rate was 97 beats per minute (tachycardia aka rapid heart rate while resting is 100 beats per minute). Something wasn't right. I wasn't working out, I wasn't moving, I was resting and half asleep. I took some deep breaths, not just any breaths, pursed lip breathing; what I used for geriatric patients when I provided health education in a clinic. The type of breath that forces the heart rate to slow down. Within a few minutes it went back down and I went to bed.

As a founder of a consulting firm, I had a potential client meeting the next morning. During the five minute drive to the cafe to meet my client my heart rate soared to 131 and I had pain in my left arm. I pulled over to catch my breath and called the smartest friend I know and asked what I should do. She told me that I was most likely dehydrated from my long international flight three days prior. At the cafe, I chose electrolyte water instead of chai, met with my client (won the contract), then scheduled an appointment with my doctor on Monday.

When I woke up Saturday morning I had chest pain, shortness of breath, pain in my left arm, and a rapid heart rate. I called an advice nurse shared that I had an appointment with my doctor on Monday, but due to my symptoms I was told to go to urgent care. While on the phone I noticed that my left arm and hand went numb. I told the nurse. All of the sudden her tone changed and she told me with panic in her voice "call 911!" Previously working in healthcare I knew how much ambulance visits costs (and I live three minutes from the hospital) so I told her I'd find a way. She disagreed but I assured her I'd make it. I got off the phone.

I put on sweats (and honestly shaved my armpits because I felt my chest would be exposed) and walked across the street to my neighbor's house. In pain and in tears I asked if someone would take me to the emergency room. After blood tests and an EKG it was determined that I didn't have any blood clots or threats to my lungs, but that I had a rapid heart rate and I needed to see my primary care doctor ASAP.

It took forever for Monday to come. My Primary Doctor put me on metroprolol, a beta-blocker to slow down my heart rate. Thursday, a heart monitor was placed on my chest for two weeks. It was just a few days before my 35th birthday. I celebrated my birthday with my twin sister as planned Labor Day Weekend in Las Vegas with a big ole monitor on my chest. We saw Magic Mike Live and the whole time I was like please don't go up heart rate...how will I explain a rapid heart rate to my Cardiologist. Fun fact, when you have a heart monitor on your chest people do not know what to do with you but you can pretty much get away with anything.

A month later my Cardiologist informed me that I had pericarditis, the inflammation of the sac that holds your heart in place. Inflammation spread to my ribs and lungs. I took medication for months, eventually felt a little better, then pericarditis came back. I've had multiple ER visits, echocardiograms, CTs, MRIs, blood tests, procedures and so, so, so many doctor's appointments. The inflammation went away but the pain stayed and my heart was never the same. In the past 15 months I've been diagnosed with the following:
Pericarditis
Costochondritis
Pleurisy
Duodenitis
Tachycardia
Supraventricular Tachycardia
Inappropriate Sinus Tachycardia
Coronary Artery Vasopasms
Orthostatic Hypotension

Fast forward I'm now 36. I take pills everyday for pain on my left side and to keep my heart under control. I spent my entire 35th year being sick, being poked, being tested, being frustrated, and being my own advocate. To my 10 doctors, Western and Eastern, I am a puzzle. I was accepted and am being treated at the UCSF Cardiovascular Care and Prevention Clinic and I'm hopeful as they are one of the best institutions for cardiovascular health. My chest itches as I write this as I have my third heart monitor affixed to my chest for the next 30 days. Like I'm being watched and screened (there's a person watching my ECG as we speak, if shit goes down they alert my Cardiologist #2...did I mention I have two Cardiologist...I know...I'm living my best life.

Everyday is hard. Driving is a chore as my left arm gets weak at some point. I get exhausted easily so gone are the days of staying out late or long Target runs. I love to cook, but grocery shopping, standing on my feet, remembering to turn off the stove are all a challenge. I've lost a ton of weight (don't get me wrong I'm here for my summer body) but that is because I get full easy and I always feel like I'm going to regurgitate. Prior to my heart issues I survived severe depression, but some days are sad because duh constant pain is not fun!

If you ask anyone who knows me they'd tell you I'm positive, inspiring, and strong. Most days I feel that but other days are a struggle. Running a company is one of the best pain relievers for me. I love the work that I do and the joy that I feel from it by helping people and their businesses. I'm thankful I have work that allows me to go to all my many doctors appointments and tests and grants me the time to heal. My heart may be broken, but my spirit, my passion are very much alive and strong.

This is the first time professionally that I'm sharing my heart journey. You'll see more over the next couple months with articles and interviews. I encourage all my clients I coach to be their true authentic self. I wasn't living in my full truth mainly because I was hoping this whole thing would go away, but now as 2019 is around the corner, I know that it is my reality and I practice what I preach. Yes it is sad I'm sick. Yes, I know you're sorry (you don’t have to apologize, but that will be another post). But since there were multiple times where I felt I was going to have a heart attack or worse, I live my best life (cue Best Life by Cardi B and Chance the Rapper) every dam day and I would love it if you did the same.

Hear more about my story on the Made Visible Podcast or check out the Like Boss Girls feature.

The Power of Beyoncé

The Power of Beyoncé

Dr. Akilah Cadet

Power and Beyoncé are synonymous to me.  They both command presence and authority.  They give you energy. They supply you with drive; the force within. Pure influence and strength.  I believe in the power of Beyoncé. On May 16, 2016, during the Formation World Tour, while in the Beyhive (when fans are in the actual stage…yes I was in the stage) Beyoncé put her had down to mine and I held her hand. It was short, but the feeling was everlasting.  I started saying “I have the power of Beyoncé” when telling the story of how we were hand and hand.  

Soon after the Formation Tour I started incorporating Beyoncé in my talks and content.  I mean there are classes that are offered at universities on Beyoncé! Above you will see a short video of my Be You Beyoncé: How to Slay the Workplace workshop. Obviously, I am a fan of Beyoncé and love her voice, music, and style.  But I am more of a fan of her strategic vision, being detail driven, philanthropy, management style, Virgo-ness, and being unapologetically Black. 

As a Black woman, who is also a Virgo, I am proud to see an international celebrity be who she is and encourage people of any race, ethnicity, gender, or ability to be themselves. At that time, I was not fulfilled with my work. I wanted more.  I knew I deserved more.  I dreamed of have my own consulting company but knew I could benefit from a few more years in the workforce and recover financially from my doctoral program.  But, once I felt the power of Beyoncé I knew that I needed to step it up (also that I hope to work on a project with her one day).  I know it sounds odd, but Beyoncé was living in her purpose, inspiring others, making people smile in just one show and I wanted to do that too. I put my dream more into the universe than I thought because a serious of events lead to me working full time and building my firm a few months later.  That my friends is what I call the Power of Beyoncé!

PS: I was at Beychella (weekend one) aka the First Black woman to Headline Coachella aka You’re About to Get all the Blackness.  She handed me my life and I’ll share in another post.

Get Your Shine On: 3 Ways Women of Color Can Lead in the Workplace

Photo By Jon Crisp

By Dr. Akilah Cadet

There’s nothing like being a boss.  Having all your hard work pay off for that one promotion that gives you the salary, the perks, and the power to shape a team!  Not all of us aspire to be leaders and there’s more than one way to lead (company, department, team, project, idea, etc.). But if you want to be in a leadership position you must be mindful of who you are and how you are perceived.

In a former role, I oversaw training and education for a large organization.  One of my roles was to sit on various committees and provide expert advice on how to introduce a new concept or policy to the workforce.  One day, I was informed that I need to take minutes at one of the meetings I had attended as a training expert for a year.  I was confused as an entry level analyst took notes and staffed the meeting; I held a mid-level master’s degree required position.  I clearly shared with my supervisor that note taking was not a part of my job description and that I would no longer be viewed as an expert, but as a clerical assistant. My supervisor said that I had no choice as the analyst was reassigned (side note, this is when I knew I would need to look for another job, but that’s another story). 

That month, I went to the meeting, took notes, and was viewed differently.  As a woman of color, you are expected to be in an entry level position, not a leader, so for the chairs (white males) it was comfortable for them, but uncomfortable for me.  I worked hard.  I had two degrees.  I was in a mid-level role, knew I deserved more, and I was determined to change that.  Here’s what I did.

1: Know your threats!

As women of color we must be aware of what we bring to the table.  I like to call myself a triple threat; an educated, perceived young, women of color (I know it’s technically four things, but I bring a lot to the table).  You are probably thinking these are GREAT things, which they are, but these quickly become threats. I’m sure you’ve heard “you’re young,” “you don’t have the experience,” “what do you think” (about an ethnic/racial group because you represent them), “oh you have a masters,” and the list goes on.  Even when we are qualified for a role we are in, some people still do not see us as the experienced, educated women of color we are.

You must be 100% comfortable with who you are a how those things you love about yourself can be threats to others. When you know your threats, you can use them as strengths.  You can become more strategic in how you see yourself thriving at work. You must embrace your confidence all while dispelling stereotypes that come along with threats.

With this committee, I knew that being educated, young, and working on my doctorate (at the time) was a threat.  I was quickly asked by the chairs to make copies and update agendas. I would say, “remember (even though I never told them), please use your administrative assistants for those tasks.”  And because they did not want to be in a position where they were wrong, they started using their assistants.  I would say, “in my doctoral program,” “as manager of training,” “when you get someone to staff this committee then…” as much as I could to remind them that I was not an administrative assistant. My threats and those stereotypes I was forced in were not going to be how I was perceived.   I then slowly started changing my role from staffing a committee to running a committee right before their eyes.

2: Problem Solve

Problem solving is key to the fight women of color have to be successful leaders.  Finding ways to fill in the gaps of what is missing is one of the best ways to problem solve.  The chairs of the committee did not know how to introduce new policy, develop a training, or change the workforce culture.  Luckily for me I was finishing my doctorate in leadership and organizational behavior.  I also, you know, had years of experience leading projects that was overlooked.  So, I started to fill in the gaps.  I would say “have you thought of,” “I can set up a meeting with,” and “I’ll follow up with the consultant…” to problem solve and get the initiative moving forward. There was a well-known consultant used to train the workforce and since the chairs were not versed or interested in the logistics of training I was able to have many conversations without the chairs.  During these meetings I was able to successfully negotiate a multimillion dollar training deal for the entire organization for FREE!  When I brought that back to the next meeting, the chairs were beyond impressed (what I did was unheard of and kind of amazing). I then wrote a grant (something they did not know how to do) and was awarded funds to pay for logistical support aka resources to staff the committee.   I filled their gaps.  I gave them an opportunity to be part of something that would take their careers (and mine) to the next level. I literally solved all their problems, while solving my own.

3: Make Yourself Valuable

When you problem solve, you become valued. When you make yourself valuable, you become valued.  I know, cheesy, but true! Finding ways to be strategic in order to put yourself in a position of value is key to breaking through the threats, stereotypes, and barriers that come along when women of color want to be leaders.

In correspondence with the consultants, I introduced myself as project manager.  Remember, the chairs did not want to deal with the logistics, so I took advantage of their absence.  When we had meetings with the consultants and chairs, the consultants referred to and treated me like the project manager.  Yet again, the chairs aka white males, did not want to look misinformed before the important client, so they started calling me the project manager.  Meetings were held with the highest leaders of the organization, and the chairs could not meet without me.  I had made myself so valuable that I was the key to the success they wanted to have; they literally could not do it without me.  I was able to now be proud of my role and the positive change it would have on the organization. I felt valued, appreciated, and I finally felt like the leader I already was when I originally sat on the committee. Funny enough, the consulting company offered me a job.  Talk about super valued!

Being a women of color leader is not easy.  There are always obstacles and barriers. People will view you as less than, emotional, unprepared, or weak.  We know this is not that case, but at times, is the reality.  The more you are comfortable with all the things you have to offer, good and bad, the more these things don’t matter.  You can shine or keep shining. Know your threats and make them your strengths.  Be a problem solver! Sometimes solving other problems will solve yours, but don’t get lost and lose your value along the way. Making yourself valuable to a company only works when you value yourself first. When you are put in a position when you feel you have to fight, just ask yourself is it worth it?  If the answer is yes, do the above.  If the answer is no, find another place where you can thrive in the amazingly beautiful skin you’re in!

Women of Color Working: 3 Ways to Slay the Workplace

Dr. Akilah Cadet

You know the drill!  New job, new opportunity, new excitement!  You enjoy the commute or the company perks, then boom, you realize at your second holiday party that you feel like you’re going nowhere.  In what feels like slow motion, you scan the room and see that your coworkers have had opportunities like that one business trip or the promotion you thought you were going to get!

Don’t panic!  Be proactive!

Trust me, I’ve been there!  As women of color in a working environment we must be more strategic and just like dating, look for any red flags!  Here are three tips for being a successful woman of color in the workplace.

#1: The Interview Process

It all starts here! Was your panel diverse? Were you able to ask questions of your supervisor’s managing style?  Did you meet or see any other WOC leaders? These questions address diversity in the workplace, so a lot of no’s is not the way you want to start a job. As a woman of color, diversity determines our professional success with a company.  Support is crucial to our success! During your second interview ask for a tour of the office (if one is not provided).   The second interview signifies a sincere interest in you as a candidate, and the company is looking for the right fit so it is a great time to see if they fit your needs too! A tour of the office can easily show you diversity when it comes to women and people of color. Red Flag: If there are only a handful or POC or WOC then it may not be the right place for you.  It’s not always a bad thing, but if you thrive off like mindedness or you have had issues in the past where you felt like you were a “token” (aka always the women or POC who was asked what other women or POC felt about something) then the chances of that pattern being repeated are high. Bottom line, if you do not see diversity, the chances of you having opportunity or promotional growth are slim.

#2: First Six Months

To me there are no rules of how long you should stay in a job, but I always throw out six months as it is enough time to get over the honeymoon phase and delve deeper into the ins and outs of the job.  If in six months you are not excited by at least half the things you were when you started the job, then the job is probably not for you.  Red Flag: If you are finding out about meetings, activities, or project launches after they happened, and you should have been present, you are officially becoming overlooked.  Once you are overlooked it is pretty impossible for new opportunities or promotions to come from the supervisor/team. It is okay to start to look elsewhere at this time as you know the interview process can take time. So, before you know it you will have been at the old job for one year and starting the new job in two weeks!

#3: The Art of Problem Solving

Problem solving is one of the best ways to get noticed!  With any role, from front line staff to management there are problems to solve and strategy is always the answer.  Start with the gaps! For example, if X number of people need to be signed up for a service, then see who else in the company signs people up (for anything).  Once you identify that person, then see how you can collaborate on signing people up (because you are doing the same thing).  Problem solving like this shows teamwork, meeting objectives, initiative, drive, the list goes on.  Problem solving gets you noticed!   Red Flag: If you solve a problem and your boss takes credit for it, then you may want to problem solve getting a new job.  If you are not getting the accolades you deserve then it’s time to move on as you should always be celebrated for your accomplishments!

These three tips can help you remain successful in the workplace, find a new opportunity, or say no to the wrong opportunity.  Strategy in the workplace is how you interview, what you do during your six months, and how you problem solve. With more women of color being vocal in the workplace now is the time to start to get what you want.  Do not limit yourself or feel opportunities are limited for you.  Women of color are limitless.

New Year, Same Awesome Me!

I just would like to start by saying, thank you!  Thank you for taking the time to read my blog.  Why now, you may ask.  Well, I want to share more than the characters allowed on Twitter and the visuals you see on Instagram (but feel free to follow @changecadet). Also, it’s a new year!  But not, “new year, new me” more like “new year, same AWESOME me.”

Last year, I was awesome, and this year I do not plan on changing that! 

2017 was the first year of being full-time in my own business. I’ve had Change Cadet for over three years, but I always maintained a full-time job; Change Cadet was my side hustle. Today, it’s a full on consulting firm. I started Change Cadet because I wanted to work in a space where I was not limited by constrains of a 9-5 job. I wanted to be able to creatively tackle organizational development issues as well as support women of color and underserved communities. 

In my previous line of work, workforce development in health and public health, I worked with various consultants.  What I commonly found while being internal staff, is that I would have to tweak the consultant’s content to fit the culture of whatever employer I was with at the time.  As an administrator, I would see how much they were paid, and how money was more important than the actual people consultants worked with, served and trained. As a public health practitioner by trade, I learned to care about the community, ask for feedback, incorporate as much inclusion as possible to have the best outcome. If you don’t care - what's the point, right? One day, while finishing my doctoral research, I asked myself: “should I start consulting?” So, I did. 

I kept working a full-time job but in January 2015, I put out into the universe that I was a consultant. I thought of a name, designed a logo and cards, built a website, and boom. Consultant! February 2015, I was contacted by someone who I did volunteer work with in 2008 after I was laid off (for the second time…it’s like a badge of honor in the public health world). His company needed an organizational development consultant.  I felt Insta-famous with non-stop requests!  I conducted a needs assessment, organizational structure, staff retreat, coaching, curriculum design, and a board retreat.  It was working!  I was working! The universe was wokring! This was soon followed by client two, a bar (bars need organizational love too) and then I graduated with my doctorate in Health Science in Leadership and Organizational Behavior. Yes, I clapped for myself.

In the following months, I was given an unexpected opportunity to grow Change Cadet (that’s another blog post).  I had multiple clients and speaking opportunities. I was starting to make the world a bit of a better place.  Now, I know what’re thinking, how is that possible, when we have President Twitter in office.  Simple. I started doing what I loved. The way I presented myself was different.  I naturally became aligned with opportunities that would fulfill my passion; professionally and financially.  I put myself out there and now, I live in my truth while helping others live in theirs.

So last year was an amazing year!  I loved every bit of growth that I had with myself and my business.  Every single day, I look forward to what is to come.  Hello 2018! New Year. Same. Awesome. Me.

-Dr. Akilah Cadet